October is here... YIKES

OK now is the busy time. I haven't posted in some time - and I know I have let you all down. I am sorry.


I write today because well, I am flat out bored. LOL.

1st Item is my AMAZING mom - she ran her first marathon in Chicago yesterday. She finished the race, while running much of it with an injured foot. I couldn't be more proud of her. Way to go MOM

2nd Item - My 13year old is about to get braces.. UGH - I am not looking forward to this - but it shouldn't be too bad - she should only have them around a year.. (hopefully) She has changed so much in the past year and I know she is going to change even more over the next year.  She got STRAIGHT A's on her midterm report. This is a first.. MY B girl got A's I am so proud of her hard work.   She is looking towards doing an "arts" program that her High School offers - I am not sure which way she will go - art, theater or music. We will see! It is nice to see her finally enjoying what she is great at. She has an artistic eye and I am not even sure if she realizes it to the point that I do. So on the 27th of this month she will have braces put on. Keep me in your prayers - and if you happen to hear a SONIC BOOM.. do not worry - it is just her screaming.. she does NOT have a high pain tolerance. So the picture above where she is on a bed. I think this fits my blog name - she is so small in it and it reminds me of someone balling themselves up as small as they can to not be seen. OR I can just see it as a picture in an article about how teen girls cope with life today...    I am so blessed to have such a wonderful daughter...Thanks JAYCIE for being you.. Keep up the good work and remember much can be said with TONE!

My "Son" Cameron - To those of you that do not know the story. My BF's son came to live with us this summer and decided he wanted to stay here and go to school. The house I bought with just me and my daughter in mind is now packed to the gills - I wouldn't trade this for the world. I was thinking just this morning how amazing my mom was and is.. to have taken on THREE extra kids (boys), while already raising three girls.  I am proud of Cameron too, coming here and starting at a new school bringing his grades up from F's to C's and above. Although he struggles with homework and school, he is doing what needs to be done. He has interest in welding - so this is the direction we are looking into for him. Underwater welding may be an option as he loves to be in the pool. He is working hard at being on time to classes and not missing any classes so that he can go to Utah to see his sister for her birthday, he will leave the same day Jaycie gets her braces on.This is all probably for the best....

yes he is such the Casanova. When he smiles, he is very handsome.  Keep up the good work, Cam!

Coming together in a relationship is hard work and when you bring kids into it, it gets even harder but this road although bumpy has brought some great times. Smiles and tears both. In the end we just realize we all need to understand and appreciate who and what the other person is.

 - So back to #1 - My mom. Did I mention that she turns 60 this month? - To turn 60 and run her first marathon is such an achievement. My sister went with her and she ran the marathon as well. I am proud of her too - she has ran marathons, she has raced in triathlons. I thought for sure pictures would have been added to FB so that I could take one and post it.. but NOOOOO they haven't yet. Oh well I am sure my mom will post to her blog.

So this weekend my nieces birthday, then we have the FIRST appointment for the braces, then My mommy's birthday, then braces, then Halloween... then we go into November which will be Thanksgiving - which also happens to be a year that Chris and I will have been dating

He has brought a lot into my life in this past year. I think we have both grown a  bit over the past year. I look forward to the journey ahead - whatever it brings!

- So I am going to try to be better about my posting - Hope you all have a wonderful week!

Award time!

Tuesday, May 31, 201

Award time!

Today I received the Good Bloggers Pay It Forward Award from my blog buddy, and MOM. Shawn at http://coloradobeckers.blogspot.com/  Of course I am swayed by the fact that she is my mom, but she is an amazing woman to know and her blogging skills are great. I used to be the one to tell her how to maneuver on her computer.. Now I find myself looking to her for help.. yes.. I know this is a constant in my life.   Moms are really a blessing, at least my mom is! She has a few blogspots and it is amazing to see her creativity! Stop by her site and check this amazing woman out.

Now to receive the award, you have to follow these rules:

1) Name the Blogger who gave you the award.  I did.. Shawn (my mom)

2) Link to their blog.    The link is above.

3) Pay it forward to 5 Bloggers.  

Yikes.. Now I know why my mom gave this to me.. She is trying to get me more experience with this blogging. I have to say.. I am not the best at this and am still running through so many wonderful blogs.


Now, I have to pay it forward to 5 bloggers... hmmmm choices choices!!

Wendy @ http://skousenseven.blogspot.com/

Amanda @ http://denvergirluk.blogspot.com/

Amber @ http://sanitysoverrated.blogspot.com/

Andrea @ http://circusdadbroccolimom.blogspot.com/

Debby @ http://skyesofblue.blogspot.com/

If  you haven't visited with Shawn or the five I mentioned, stop by their sites and introduce yourselves.

Hugs to all of you bloggers out there!

I may have to change this.. not sure if I did it right.. if not, my mom will tell me!

Its Funny...

As I was sitting in my office the other day, helping a customer who happened to be a friend of my brothers that I always admired from afar, I realized something! 
People look at you in a whole different light than you see yourself. Of course I have known this all along, but sometimes it just BAM whacks you in the face.
Me, being the youngest in my family and always admiring my older brothers and sisters - never stopped to think what they or their friends might have thought about me. Not that I did anything "bad" I was a good girl. I do have somewhat of a smart ass personality, and a bit of spunk - but I always thought that title  belonged more to my Red headed sister.. who knows?

So I was teasing him a bit- honestly wasn't much because I do not even recall what I said. He looked at me and said.. You were always the feisty one. I probably gave him a very strange look at that time. I had no idea that any of my brothers friends ever paid any attention to me or anything I said. I guess I have always felt that I am in the shadows a bit. No, I know I have a great personality and I do feel that when people know me, they do gain - I am a good person and a good friend.

Then on another note... one of my daughters class mates (not friend THANK GOD) told her that I was a BITCH. I laughed. I had a feeling she would think that way--- Here is that story.  I volunteered to Chaperon a group of kids at the local amusement park for a school function. My instructions were clear, as were theirs... NO child is to be alone without another member of your group!!! OK, no worries, they all picked partners. On the way to the amusement park I sat with the kids and talked and had a fun time. The Girl in question and I talked a bit about her so called life. I did not become a bitch until - yup wouldn't you know it I had to put on my MOMMY pants and get on her case. All was fine until after Lunch when she tried to go off with another group and I had one of the students go grab her and make her come back to the group. She started to throw a fit, and told me that the teacher told her it was OK. So, I said OK lets go to the teacher and then you can leave. So of course we did and the teacher said, OK, you can go with that group.. well by then they were gone. Not sure that the teacher did the correct thing in this case. If you tell the parents one thing stick with it, or tell the parent when you have changed direction so that they know. So, I let the girl go off and told her at the end she just needed to check in with us. Attitude again - Of course she did not check in with us at the end and I saw her and told her she needed to come and check in so we could leave. (I am seeing the little head shake round and round attitude- you know what I mean?) Well, I am going home with my friend and her mom and not riding the bus home, and the teacher said it was OK, so I don't have to check in. -- OK, off to the teacher I go. I said, OK I have all of my group - minus the one who got picked up by her parents earlier, and the one that is not riding the bus.. The teacher gives me a wide open eye look and says - who isn't riding the bus. I explained.. Oh no she is riding the bus - but she can stay in that group. OK, once again. Why give the parent a whole packet on WHAT to do if you change all of the rules mid stream? All and all the kids were great though, and nobody in the group really liked this girl anyway.. they kept saying she had an attitude.
What was great is that my daughter - who doesn't use cuss words.. says, mom - this girl called you a beep.. I said yeah, I could imagine she would think that. She looked at me and said, "Well when she said that, I thought to myself. Well My mom was only a beep cause you were a beep." I didn't say it mom, but I sure thought it.

So, we never know what people think. Does it matter? Eh, not so sure it does if you live your life with the rule of treat others as you would want to be treated.  Have fun and do not  hurt people intentionally. Be open and honest with all those that are in your life. It is fairly simple!

Me and my neglecting ways...

It has been awhile, I just can't seem to find my groove here. So much of what I do depends on how I feel. I like to have fun posts and sometimes I get caught up in the doldrums of life. 

So, its a new month and so many changes have occurred in my household. My lil girl is not a lil girl anymore. No more headaches, so that is the good part. I am awaiting the "I hate you" phase. LOL, I know it will come. For now I get to simply watch her blossom. She is also not blond anymore and now has brown hair! She is just as astonishing as ever!

There is a new family addition at the house. She is very pretty. We named her "The Pickle" but then had to change that due to the fact that Chris is working with Men.. might not be the best name...

So she is a 2000 Honda Passport.

Chris is working - Painting office buildings. He finds himself on 30 and 40ft ladders every day. YIKES!!

I am trying to get him to have Ed ( a co-worker, and friend) take a picture of him actually ON the ladder)

We will see if he listens to me or not when I ask for something. (Yes he does listen sometimes, and many times he is very receptive to what I say!) 

Mother's Day is around the corner - So A big happy Mother's Day to FIRST and FOREMOST my MOM, and of course all of you wonderful, hard working (at raising or having raised children) Moms out there! I hope you are able to enjoy a bit of extra attention Sunday.  This year we are actually doing Mother's Day with my mom next weekend. I think perhaps pedicures and dinner with JUST the "big girls" - So this Mother's day I get two pedicures!!!



What happened.. Do I have an alien in my house?

It is Wednesday and I am feeling as if I stepped into the Twilight Zone. Okay, really not much has changed but in the past month I have been riddled trying to figure out what is wrong with my daughter. She has been having headaches, to the point she is crying. She is 12 so it is around that time of her life that her body is going crazy. Last week she called me daily from school.... I can't do this mom. Well, too bad you are going to have to get through it. So over the weekend the headaches were fairly non existent. Oh, and she has had them over the weekend prior. I wonder if her body snapped and finally said enough? She has mild ones still, but nothing big and we are down to almost NO medication. My boyfriend and I actually thought we needed to look under her bed to see if the POD was left there. Who is this child? It is almost like a ray of sunshine has been deposited in her body and she now smiles. Do not get me wrong here - I love my child and know she has gone through soooooo many changes in the past few years, and she has been a trooper. Though if you have been around my daughter since the time she was little, you would understand my meaning. She has always been that child that worries about everything, is a bit high strung and has a hard time laughing at herself. My way or the highway has always been who she is. Well we did not find the pod? I asked her if she hid a pod somewhere but she looked at me with big eyes and said "HUH?" I explained to her that I was wondering if she had a talk with someone over the weekend or what. That from Sunday on she has been a bit different.. oh and I did let her know I was not complaining and that she seems to be the person that I see when we are alone, and that THIS is how I like to see her. Smiling, a bit carefree, laughing at the silly things that well...Chris and I tend to do. This has been such a fun week. If I could bottle up whatever happened to her over the weekend.. I SO WOULD. I love my little one and she brings so much joy to my life. I always hope that she can just relax and let life happen and not get too riddled with the daily downers that can tend to happen. So, I pray that this is a NEW thing in our lives. Happy times ahead! Perhaps my daughter will turn out as goofy as me!!!

The power of touch!

So first I have to give my mom credit for me writing this! I was viewing her blog and saw the video she had placed on it, as I watched my heart filled with joy and the tension eased a bit.

I am what you would call a people person. I love people, love talking to them, learning them, helping them and loving them. Yes, some people can get on my nerves, but there are few that do. A few minutes ago my boyfriend said that he could totally be a hermit. Then I go and watch the video, OH HELL no - I could never be a hermit. Yes, I already knew this but sometimes things just POP in your head. I need people, love to be around people. Yet I find that I have a hard time "planning" so that I can see my family and friends more often. I have often thought about this, how people tend to lose touch with each other. I do firmly believe that people are IN your life when they need to be and that is what keeps us going. There is always a reason that they are there. Some, are there always... not that you see them all of the time but they are there, and you know you can count on them when you need them! I have several of these people, I really am lucky!

So the video is a bunch of pictures showing HUGS. WOW, I thought, the power of touch! Hugs, kisses, a hand on your shoulder, or the small of your back, holding hands, slow dancing.... the list goes on. It is not just physical touch that this brings to us, but also the emotional touch that we get from this. A powerful thing that we hold. If we don't give it we can hurt just as much as if we do we can help. I love touch, and am willing to give it often, but sometimes we get lost in ourselves and forget that others need it too. Sometimes we can even touch with our words, for they are very powerful too. This day in age we may see more and more of that LONG DISTANCE HUG! See I will do it right now. HUGS to all that read this, you are my friend and I thank you for being a part of my life.

My ADD is kickin me

OK, I don't really have ADD I am just being an ASS! Well, perhaps all of us have a bit of ADD in our ASS.. lol. Yes, you now see.. I have no idea where I am going when I start typing and my mind just carries me into odd places.
It is a wonder I can keep up with myself, or perhaps I am not keeping up with myself, but trying to just put the puzzle together.

So today I am thinking about the Comfy Couch in my head. It is very full today and I need to do something about this. Are you lost yet or do you also have a comfy couch? Perhaps you are one of those with the plastic chair, let me know what you think you are after you read my whirly twirly words.

I am one of the types of people that constantly think about family, friends, past and present. So, if you have entered my life, you have sat on my comfy couch, most likely a few times. Sometimes, I may even try to wish you away, usually it doesn't work. Really, what this means is that I am constantly thinking of people. Sometimes wondering if I am thought about too. There are days where people sit there all day and there are days people run through and just grab a soda on the way out... and sometimes they are not so nice and start poking .. and it hurts. Some people tell me that I think too much. How do you think too much? I do not consider myself book smart (intelligent) but I think when it comes to people I have some smarts. I went to college and I studied Psychology and Sociology. I think I have always had an interest in people and how they interact. So, I guess constantly thinking about people is just a part of me. I like knowing that I have a comfy couch in my head, then people who are dear to me know that they are thought about and appreciated.  Sometimes it is hard because the people I think about have hurt me in some way, perhaps not intentionally but still hurt is hurt. Though there are a TON of people who have shown me nothing but care, hapiness and love.  Do you think that our brains are actually capable of much more than we use them for? I think this is true, we just need to know how to tap into that power we may have.

As I sit and write this, like when I write all of my post, I see my ADD kicking my ASS. Ha, where am I going, what am I writing and trying to say. I guess more so just writing what is on my mind! 

Happy Monday - linking with Java @ Never Growing Old

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Questions:

1.  What jewelry do you wear 24/7?

I wear the ring that was my graduation present. I hadn't worn this ring in some time. When my ex came over one time he looked at my hand and said "Nice, new ring!" Um, this is the one I got for my graduation... remember YOU were there!!!

I wear a necklace that a dear friend bought me for Christmas a year and a half ago.

Earrings.. I change them every NOW and THEN....

2.  Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? TWIRLLLLLLLLLLLLLL - why oh why would you cut, its so much fun to suck in the spaghetti that un twirls.

3.  How many siblings do you have?

OK, this is a fun one.... (keeps fingers crossed nobody gets offended..) I have two sisters that share the same mom and sperm donor.  I have one sister that shares my mom. I have three (but I only count two) brothers that came with my dad when he married my mom. My mom is married to Bill, who has 4 children

4.  Were you named after anyone?

Yes! My mom named me after a "harlot".. Well, it was an older book and from what I hear it was quite steamy! - maybe this is why I should be an adult phone entertainer - eh mom? (Inside joke, here) - OK My mom really didn't name me after the book.. but I guess my grandma went crazy when she found out that is what my mom was naming me, due to the book!

5.  Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi!!! Diet, after all I am diabetic!

Physics In MY kitchen, say what?

So, I have a friend who is very SCIENTIFIC, he is in school and started a blog. I went to visit his blog and was like .. UM OK!! What is this? Not that it is not very well written. My brain just is not scientific. So, he decided to ask me some questions and have me answer them, then he gives me the SCIENTIFIC answer.. so here goes!

1. Why my Gas Lighter sparks if i press a button even if it has got no battery? Because I am standing near it!! DUH
2. Why food in pressure cooker cooks faster? – water boils at a higher temperature under pressure. (Ha, don’t we all?)
3. Why water boils quicker in High Altitudes than in plains? Same … Atmospheric Pressure!!
4. How My exhaust fan or exhaust Chimney work? It SUCKS.. haha Sucks the air OUT
5. Why will a bowl float in water and a spoon does not? A spoon has a flat end…
6. How does a microwave oven work? Ahh MAGIC..lol

OK now the real Scientific answers from my Friend from  http://inaturalphysics.blogspot.com/  

Question no. 1 ....The lighters that dont need a battery and still gives out an electric spark is due to a physical phenomena called piezoelectricity.  Piezoelectricity is the phenomena where mechanical pressure is converted into electrical energy - 

 Question 2... As pressure is elevated in the pressure cooker the boiling point of the liquid rises..normally when the surface pressure of a liquid becomes equal to the atmospheric pressure, we call the corresponding temperature to b the boiling point of the liquid, thus rising the pressure, bp increases letting the liquid stay liquid even if temperature is higher than bp..

Question 3...with altitude atmospheric pressure falls...so liquids attain atmospheric pressure at lower temp. than in plains 

Question 4... an exhaust fan converts rotational motion into a thrust...A pressure difference is produced between the forward and rear surfaces of the specially shaped blade, and air  is accelerated behind the blade, that is, if you turn a screw it moves forward or reverse depending upon the direction of rotation... so happens in the case of a exhaust fan..if u move the blades clock wise air moves forward... and counter clock wise air moves backward.

Question 5...a body floats in a liquid, in this case water, if the weight of the water displaced by it is more than or equal to its weight. Spoon has got a smaller volume and higher mass, ie. high density, therefore when it is thrown in water; the water displaced is less, thus the weight of the displaced water is less than the weight of the spoon. And it submerges. While a bowl has got a large surface area thus it can displace volume of water more than a spoon, so the weight of the water displaced by a bowl is equal to the weight of the weight of the bowl and hence it floats (Archimedes Principle)

Question 6.... a microwave oven sends out microwaves of high vibration, wanna know how fast? i bet you'll have to leave the poorly finger counting that u do.. it is approximately 2500000000 vibration a second.. and what happens such high vibrations makes the water, other food material molecules vibrate and such tremendous pace of vibrations gives out heat and heats up our food stuffs...what if your rub your hands even 1/10000 times the microwave vibration? You wont see even a bit of flesh left on your bones...I wonder bones may burn out too....

I will be linking up with Joyce @ From This Side of the Pond - (as my mommy says)

I  will be linking up with Joyce @  From This Side of the Pond - (as my mommy says)

Corned Beef and Hodgepodge

Here are the questions for this week's Hodgepodge...thanks for playing along!

Answer the questions on your own blog then come back here tomorrow (Wednesday) to link your answers with the rest of the internets.

1. What would you do if you found a pot of gold? Let's pretend this pot of gold is worth exactly $1500 (which would actually be more like a cup of gold at current values). Anyway, let's also pretend you have to spend it as opposed to making a donation someplace. Now tell me what you would do with that cup pot of gold?

 HMM.. this one I skipped... lets see $1,500.00 - First I would take me and my lil one to a day at the spa.. to include Massage, nails and toenails. LONG OVER DUE. Cost ... 400-500.?

That leaves $1,000.00 - I think it would be a day of play! Problem is I am a true CANCER and most likely I would take the money and put it in my savings account. Perhaps taking $200.00 out to have fun with!!

2. Do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day in any way, shape, or form?

Sometimes...  and sometimes ... and perhaps sometimes I just

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Have you been bitten by the Spring Cleaning bug? What spring cleaning job most needs doing at your house? What spring cleaning job are you most dreading?  -

OMG I swatted the bug before he could bite me!!! Dang thing! NO I don't wanna and you can't make me! HUH! I have so many Spring cleaning jobs, can we not talk about this? LOL, drawers, closets, ugh!

4. lime-shamrock-sage-forest...your favorite shade of green? Sage!

5. Thomas Jefferson once said, "I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it." So...do you believe in luck or do you believe we make our own luck?

 

Tough one! I believe life is what it is! Sometimes we make our luck and sometimes luck just comes along. Sometimes what we think may be luck turns out NOT to be!

6. Monday (3/14) was Pi Day. Get it? Pi =3.14. Those math types are so clever aren't they? Since I'm not one of them tell me what's your favorite piE (the edible kind).

These questions are so hard... Favorite Pie.. only ONE? Hmmm, I guess Cherry! I used to work at Denny's and we had tons of pies, Chocolate cream was a good one, and the Neon green keylime was good too! Ha!

7. That same date (3/14) happens to be the birthdate of the late physicist Albert Einstein. I bet he knew the value of Pi. So...what do you think is more important and or valuable in life... intelligence or common sense? Common Sense!!!

Intelligence is highly over rated. I have known a few "intelligent people" and gosh, lots of them are s'cuse my language - Assholes! Perhaps to be truely intelligent you need both? Often people tell me they see me as "smart" but I have them all fooled! I just know how to communicate with people! Honestly, I am not sure WHAT I remember from College, if anything and I did get good grades. GO FIGURE!

8. Insert your own random thought here.

 

I am new to this blogging, and am sure I am screwing some major things up. Trying to add people, add pictures.. do this do that... I have to keep getting help from my mom... gotta love MOMS! I have added a few people and I will visit more in depth soon. Love, LOVE the pages I have seen so far. Such creativity.. makes me feel under par.. Way to go blogger friends of mine - YOU ROCK!!!

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Questions:

Yes, rarely used though! I am still waiting to roast marshmallows and make s'mores and drink wine by the fire 1.  Do you have a fireplace in your home?









2.  Can you drive a stick shift? Yes, the first car I had was a stick shift, my dad made me learn by staying stationary on a hill without using the break! Yikes... no break you say? How does one do that. gas and clutch baby, gas and clutch



3.  How many computers are in your home? 3 laptops and 1 PC which is more than people living in my home. We also have 2 phones that act as computers in a sense. Technology, technology, where would I be without you! Actually, my laptop used to be my happy place. Who needs tv when you have a PC

4.  Are your taxes done yet?  Do you do them yourself? Yes, My sister does them and I owe her still..

5.  What is your favorite meal of the day? YUP, all of the above... I love food  - lunch and dinner ..snacks. mmmm foood!!!

Friday Friday!!!

Hellooooo Out there!

OK, So what strikes me today? I am supposed to be blogging at least every other day according to my mom. So, I am trying to keep up here. 
It is Friday and what does the weekend bring? Well, I want to go out and have happy hour on Saturday, most likely I will end up not going, but who knows. My kiddo has dinner plans with her dad and his family so we will see. I am also planning on getting my new phone. Excited - except for the fact that I will be spending money on it. Oh well... I have thrown money away on more idiotic things.. (as I roll my eyes thinking about all of the stupid things I have done.) 
I am a chatter by nature, love to chat on line. Love to talk and listen to people. On line chatting is fun because nobody seems to be real. Sometimes, its just about a quick fix. It is a playground and I like to seesaw. When I used to be a chat junkie - people would tell me after they met me that I am the same online as I am in person. Guess, I just like to be goofy. Of course there are times to be serious, but for the most part I just try to have fun.

I am not sure I am feeling it today - I can tell as I write in this post. I think I am just tired. Have not slept well due to me and the kid being ill this week. :-( 

MOM, I will do my best next week, and try to link up!

Im trying...

OK, So I am trying to figure out how to LINK to another blog.. not doing it right, and oddly enough I have to wait to hear from my mom to figure it out. See, it has always been ME helping my MOM with computer stuff.. ha now she gets to help me!! Enlightening!!!! Love you mom!

So, I was speaking with another friend.. and he we were talking about his relationship with his wife. They have a baby, under a year. He was talking about her drive and the lack of it. So, I was helping him with some ideas of what he could do to help out in that area. I think that sometimes media makes people think the wrong things. I do not need jewelry or flowers all the time. Simply I just need to know that you care for me! Yes, in your mind you might think that you are loving me the right way, but it is NOT what I really am needing. To be fair, I may be loving you, but not the way you need. I took a test a week ago, had my friend take it too. It is called "Love Languages". Not that I didn't already realize this.. but it made it more clear. What does someone do that tells me they love me? Well for ME it is more of a do things for me... NOT grand things.. small things. This is called Acts of Service. That was my top, the other four are Words of affirmation.. hey to me words are just words...., Quality time (yes this is good. and I love to spend time with my man.. but what is making me feel loved in this? Receiving gifts, oh of course we all like gifts.. but really a DVD player.. Tinted windows... umm no thanks, yes I like the trinket you bought me.. but did you put time and thought into it, or just run to the nearest jewelry store and "grab and go"? Physical touch.. oh yah anyone who knows me .. knows I MELT with a massage, light touch... no deep tissue here..I really have paid my daughter $5.00 a massage, told her she could make $10 a week.. (and no, she doesn't) Still love you kiddo. Back to the issue at hand though, and keep in mind this is ME, not you or her, or him.. we all feel loved in different ways. So, perhaps I am doing small things for my loved one and it is not making him feel loved. Breakfast made for you, taking out the trash so you don't have to.... in my mind I am doing it all right.

I explained to my friend that sometimes without prompting let your wife now how beautiful she is to you, and mind your wording. We do not want to hear You're hot. How about something with a bit of romance? Honey, you look so beautiful, the way the light is reflecting off of your hair, your skin is so soft, I want to run kisses up and down you. Make it about her! Not you. Men, most of the time us women think it is always about you.. right or wrong.. this is true! Don't have the attitude that I "owe" her.. if you think you owe her, so what..make her feel like you WANT to do it.. and FOLLOW through!
IF you love her isn't she worth it? We all know that women are emotional creatures. SO PUT some EMOTION into it! Really it comes down to learning your partner, hence why they say relationships are WORK, though at the end of the day if it is what and who we want, we work hard for it!

***Please keep in mind that I am speaking in generalities, of course not all women and men are the same. I am not man bashing here either. I also have lots to learn!

Emotions!

We have so many emotions and understanding them can sometimes be hard. Why do we feel the way we do? Is this really Anger, Love, Pain...What am I feeling and more important, why?

I was talking with a friend and we were discussing Jealousy. Ohhhhh yes, the big bad thing that nobody wants to admit that they are, but often we want someone to be jealous about us, let me explain.

The conversation was about someone telling him he was just jealous of a certain person because she doesn't work, and here he is waking early in the morning to go to work and pay his bills, while she stays home all day doesn't lift a finger to clean the house, she cooks for her boyfriend (the other roomates eat their own food) but then she leaves the "community" kitchen a mess. He said I am not jealous I hate her! Hmmm, no I disagree. You are jealous, and this is not abnormal. Think about it, who would NOT be jealous of someone who can sit and do nothing all day, and have people that are paying her way. I mean I will admit sometimes I do not want to go to work and the thought of staying home and doing NOTHING is appealing. Unfortunately, what some of us are built with are Ethics and Morals and even if we were to stay at home all day, we undoubtedly would be doing SOMETHING. We may do some laundry, dust or vacuum, make dinner (you know the "house person" work, and by the end of the day, ok maybe a week, we would be so bored with being at home that we are ready to go back to work! So, back to the story, Sure he is Jealous of what she gets to do, and in the end it makes him "hate" her a bit. Well not really HER though. He hates the fact that she is ok with sitting at home doing absolutely NOTHING to help out anyone, yes watch your tv, play your games, eat your bon bons. Sometimes, I think the emotions may come from how we end up thinking about ourselves also. Why am I the person that does EVERYTHING, how can  I stop this? 

It is 6:30 on a Saturday Morning.... REALLY?

So, here I am on a Saturday morning, wide awake. Okay, perhaps still yawning a bit and wondering if I should just lay my head back down and go to sleep. Perhaps I will after writing some more mumbo jumbo down.
So a thought...oh I know.


In the past few years I have been focused on well for lack of better description, men. How they fit in my life, where they fit, do they fit, and on and on. I have met several interesting, fun individuals, both men and women through this journey. I have also learned a lot while on this journey, and I keep learning. Really, isn't that why we are here, to keep learning?  In the last post I wrote about WHO I AM. I can list a gazillion things about who I am through my eyes but who am I when you look at me? Then who am I when.. HE or SHE looks at me? Well, considering we all see different things, you would think we are all scraps of paper with words written down, that mix and swirl together. I am a mom to my child, sometimes mean in her eyes, sometimes a complete dork, sporadically cool, but all in all MOM. That word tends to sum up so much for some of us and so little for others. I feel sorry for the "others" out there. I say this because I know several people out there that did NOT have a great mother in their life. Coming from where I do, having had a great mom, oh don't get me wrong, she did have several of her own issues (loony) hahaha - Just kidding, she is reading this had to write that in there.  I had a wonderful, loving mom. Yes, we all have our quirks and she did, as do I, but a great caring mom is really what it boils down to. Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Wife, Ex-wife, FWB, Lover, Girlfriend, Friend, Student, Teacher, Co-worker, Boss, Employee.MYSELF.. the list goes on. So many hats we wear in life, its no wonder we can become lost and confused as to who we are. Which role is most important to us? Do we have to choose just one, or can we somehow find a way to make them all work?  I think we can find a way to make them all work, and I think we do day to day. We just do not give ourselves the credit that we deserve. Sometimes we let one role overtake and we lose sight of the others.  Often, we lose sight of Myself.  When Myself gets a lack of attention we tend to suffer, when Myself suffers, all of our other roles suffer too. How can I be a mom, when I can't be Myself? We can't really be anything to great degree without being and paying some attention to Myself first. Myself becomes what he or she wants me to be. Myself starts to drink because he likes to drink. Myself becomes flirty.. oh wait NOPE I am flirty. Strike that.  Okay, had to add a bit of humor in there. So, what if we were to sit down and make a list of who we are, what would that list look like? -- this is the time you stop reading and grab a pen and paper. Don't worry.. I will wait.. Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap.................
Welcome back.

Now, lets start with Five things of WHO am I.
1. Mom
2. Friend
3. Daughter
4. Significant other
 5. Employee

Now, lets do Five things of WHY I am the above 5? Not, I am a mom because I have a child... that is too easy. Let's really think here.. take your time!!!
1. When I look at my daughter while she is sleeping, I see peace. I see my angel.
2. I love to laugh, and when I am around friends they let me laugh at them, at myself, at the silly things in life we have all done.
3. I look at my mom, and know that any trouble I am having she is there to listen and to tell me what a dummy I am, of course in the most motherly way she can. Or, my dad, who as dads go, helps me with the Manly things that I do not have any interest or desire in. He takes my car and puts tires on for me... just to say, hey I am your dad, and this is how I know to ease some stress from you.
4. When I look into his eyes, and he looks back and in that one instant, I see all that I want to be to someone, and see that at least in that one instant, he wants to be all that he can be for me.
5. I make a comfortable living, I provide things to my coworkers that they do not know how to do. I learn to do what I can to help out a business in the best way I know how.

So that is a SMALL synopsis of ME. In writing this I did not write about MYSELF... did you? I do not run on the frequency of myself often. I run on the frequency of Others. I live for others. This is something I sometimes struggle with. When I do, I tend to go into my little world of Amber's head and sometimes get stuck there until I can form the words to say to understand first to myself and then explain to others WHAT it is that I am thinking. Little insignificant me has a thought.. hold onto your hats dear sirs, and your bonnets ladies, the hurricane is coming.
So, have you ever asked, or merely been told who you are to someone else? I find it fun when someone tells me their view of me, without me asking. The most I tend to get back is this, I can open up to you, you listen and care about what I think. You are there when I need you and do not tend to hold back because we have not spoken in the past few months, years, decades even. You make me feel comfortable and calm. You care about me. Why, yes, yes I do! There are very few people that have run through my past that do not keep a piece of my brain, or better yet heart. I do know what it is like to have your heart grow two sizes too big. I feel it often. When I sit down and think of all the people that have run through my past, their faces pop into my head, real quick, and then they run down from my head and back into my heart. Yes, some have JUMPED wildly up and down on the poor squishy organ, then there are some who have gently placed their hands around this soft organ and held it so that those jumping wildly stop. In turn, those gentle hands are my Calming agents, to you out there, I say thank you! We all need calming agents in our lives. I am glad so many have come to me and have felt Calm being in my presence. I really love that, the knowledge that I am able to hold some hearts in my hand and not JUMP. Not that I feel, I am a jumper.  If I have ever JUMPED on your heart.. please let me know, let's talk through this! Sometimes, I feel my "calling" in life is simply to help people in some way. I just have not tapped into this to figure out HOW I am to do this. Is it just in everyday life, or am I going to do something more with it? I know it will not be in the end with my organs... they don't want mine! So, I take from this that I wrote MOM as my number 1 thing.. when really to me it all boils down to FRIEND. Every aspect I am a friend. My heart goes out to you, always with a bit of hope that yours, at some point, comes back to me.  Do not judge me for my spelling or punctuation,  for in the end it is all just symbols on a page, if you are able to read, strike that, understand what I am babbling about then you get what you need from this. In fact, do not judge me at all, I will not judge you, I will love you and help protect you when I can. As I started this particular blog, of everything and nothing, I had you and me in mind. A journey of one, and you, and him and her.

Honestly, I have NO idea!

So, here we are! I have no idea where this blog is going to lead us, but let's have some fun along the way. Laugh, cry, be disgusted, think a bit. I can't tell you what you will get out of this, heck I am not even sure you will get anything out of this, not sure if I will either. Honestly, I just feel like writing and so here we go.

Who am I - this is probably something that is a bit important - A bit of background is always good, right? I am 35 years old, semi-single white female.. LOL.. always wanted to say something stupid like that. I currently have a boyfriend, but not married.  Average looks, average intelligence, average all around. I am a mother of one almost teenage daughter. YIKES! I am divorced. I am a cancer (lymphoma) survivor, and I am a diabetic. I live through my heart, and am there for those that need me, when they need me. I went to college and got my BA - which to me should have been a B.S. (yes bullshit) degree - Majored in psychology, and minored in Sociology. Originally I went to college to be an elementary teacher, but I was young and dumb and did not really like school too much. My goal as a kid was to become a mom and a teacher of 2nd grade. OH, and I am a complete GOOF, and I do not mind showing this!  I am sure there is more to me and later if you ask I will tell, or if I think something is relevant I will write it. Though, really when it all comes down to it. Many of us run on the same track - we are just looking for our place. Where we fit, who we are.. Is this what life is REALLY all about? OH, one more thing I am RANDOM - so things may not "fall into place as expected"!

Obviously, I have been going through some "thinking" of my own in the recent past. Please, do not ask what I have "figured out", I would have to answer that with a big fat NOTHING. OK, I have learned some things, I guess. Though what I take out of all this, and what you take out of all of this, or he takes out, or what she takes out, it will all be different! This is one of the aspects I like about life, if we open ourselves up, we can learn from what another has to say. We may not practice it, but perhaps we will remember it and in some way use it, whatever IT is, in daily life.

Why am I here? How many times have you asked yourself this very question? Millions and millions of times I have asked myself this question. Of course, this question brings up many more questions, will my life have any impact on anyone? Am I on the right path? Should I be doing MORE with my life? Why do I keep falling into the same rountine, day after day? Well, we are who we are meant to be. Some of us break out of the pattern, but most of us are comfortable just as we are. Yes, often we sit and WISH life to be .. different or better, or for that BIG BANG change of holding the winning lottery ticket! I was explaining to my sister the other day a view I had on life, or simply something I happened to notice. It is like this, do you notice for the most part that those that are born in wealth, typically end in wealth? Those that are middle class, typically stay in middle class, and those that are born more in poverty, stay that way. Those that have parents that sit around "sick, or hurt" all day.. end up "sick and hurt" all day. Keep in mind please that I am speaking in generalities, patterns! Not ALL cases are like this! Then the question becomes, How do I escpae this? Well, typically YOU don't! Sure, I have sat here many times thinking of ways that I could become RICH! Even though the only reason I want more money, is so that when my daughter wants something, I can say, OKAY and mean it. I am well aware, the more we make the more we spend, and that really it is my DNA, chemistry, or whatever you want to call it, that makes me say, Oh no, I can't afford this, and cry all the way to the store, where I am undoubtably going to purchase whatever she wants. Martyrdom, you may say. I gave something up for you - but sometimes what we are really saying is.. WHAT are YOU willing to do for me? We are humanbeings and typically we run on a ME level. Even those of us that are all about YOU, want to run on a me level, it just does not seem to end that way, go figure! If you really think about it, and be honest (only to yourself), we do want it to be about us! Is this bad? I feel it is only bad if we misuse it! If we never let someone else be important over ourselves. We can also misuse in a sense if we NEVER let ourselves be the ONE important thing.
Do you ever catch yourself saying something, so that another person compliments or says something, that in reality you already knew, but you just needed to hear it? Of course you have, and it is ok! We all have. We are human, not a single one of us does not need some kind of validation. But I will be damned, it so hurts when that person does not play the game with us. Why do we do this to ourselves?  At this point you are thinking WHY am I reading this. This woman has NOTHING to say!! Well, you are right, I don't have anything to say, but I have a lot of random thoughts and I enjoy sharing! :-) Momma always taught me to share!
I think if you are willing to take this journey with me, you will go through many emotions. Good and bad - and sometimes maybe I can just get you to stop and think! Oh it will not be about any life changing events .. but it will be fun! If you have things you would like me to write about, let me know I am open to whatever.