Honestly, I have NO idea!

So, here we are! I have no idea where this blog is going to lead us, but let's have some fun along the way. Laugh, cry, be disgusted, think a bit. I can't tell you what you will get out of this, heck I am not even sure you will get anything out of this, not sure if I will either. Honestly, I just feel like writing and so here we go.

Who am I - this is probably something that is a bit important - A bit of background is always good, right? I am 35 years old, semi-single white female.. LOL.. always wanted to say something stupid like that. I currently have a boyfriend, but not married.  Average looks, average intelligence, average all around. I am a mother of one almost teenage daughter. YIKES! I am divorced. I am a cancer (lymphoma) survivor, and I am a diabetic. I live through my heart, and am there for those that need me, when they need me. I went to college and got my BA - which to me should have been a B.S. (yes bullshit) degree - Majored in psychology, and minored in Sociology. Originally I went to college to be an elementary teacher, but I was young and dumb and did not really like school too much. My goal as a kid was to become a mom and a teacher of 2nd grade. OH, and I am a complete GOOF, and I do not mind showing this!  I am sure there is more to me and later if you ask I will tell, or if I think something is relevant I will write it. Though, really when it all comes down to it. Many of us run on the same track - we are just looking for our place. Where we fit, who we are.. Is this what life is REALLY all about? OH, one more thing I am RANDOM - so things may not "fall into place as expected"!

Obviously, I have been going through some "thinking" of my own in the recent past. Please, do not ask what I have "figured out", I would have to answer that with a big fat NOTHING. OK, I have learned some things, I guess. Though what I take out of all this, and what you take out of all of this, or he takes out, or what she takes out, it will all be different! This is one of the aspects I like about life, if we open ourselves up, we can learn from what another has to say. We may not practice it, but perhaps we will remember it and in some way use it, whatever IT is, in daily life.

Why am I here? How many times have you asked yourself this very question? Millions and millions of times I have asked myself this question. Of course, this question brings up many more questions, will my life have any impact on anyone? Am I on the right path? Should I be doing MORE with my life? Why do I keep falling into the same rountine, day after day? Well, we are who we are meant to be. Some of us break out of the pattern, but most of us are comfortable just as we are. Yes, often we sit and WISH life to be .. different or better, or for that BIG BANG change of holding the winning lottery ticket! I was explaining to my sister the other day a view I had on life, or simply something I happened to notice. It is like this, do you notice for the most part that those that are born in wealth, typically end in wealth? Those that are middle class, typically stay in middle class, and those that are born more in poverty, stay that way. Those that have parents that sit around "sick, or hurt" all day.. end up "sick and hurt" all day. Keep in mind please that I am speaking in generalities, patterns! Not ALL cases are like this! Then the question becomes, How do I escpae this? Well, typically YOU don't! Sure, I have sat here many times thinking of ways that I could become RICH! Even though the only reason I want more money, is so that when my daughter wants something, I can say, OKAY and mean it. I am well aware, the more we make the more we spend, and that really it is my DNA, chemistry, or whatever you want to call it, that makes me say, Oh no, I can't afford this, and cry all the way to the store, where I am undoubtably going to purchase whatever she wants. Martyrdom, you may say. I gave something up for you - but sometimes what we are really saying is.. WHAT are YOU willing to do for me? We are humanbeings and typically we run on a ME level. Even those of us that are all about YOU, want to run on a me level, it just does not seem to end that way, go figure! If you really think about it, and be honest (only to yourself), we do want it to be about us! Is this bad? I feel it is only bad if we misuse it! If we never let someone else be important over ourselves. We can also misuse in a sense if we NEVER let ourselves be the ONE important thing.
Do you ever catch yourself saying something, so that another person compliments or says something, that in reality you already knew, but you just needed to hear it? Of course you have, and it is ok! We all have. We are human, not a single one of us does not need some kind of validation. But I will be damned, it so hurts when that person does not play the game with us. Why do we do this to ourselves?  At this point you are thinking WHY am I reading this. This woman has NOTHING to say!! Well, you are right, I don't have anything to say, but I have a lot of random thoughts and I enjoy sharing! :-) Momma always taught me to share!
I think if you are willing to take this journey with me, you will go through many emotions. Good and bad - and sometimes maybe I can just get you to stop and think! Oh it will not be about any life changing events .. but it will be fun! If you have things you would like me to write about, let me know I am open to whatever.